so an update

Yes I feel an update is in order. I feel so selfish lately, letting myself get caught up in my own problems, my own stress, and allowing that worry to over power concern for the problems of my friends and family. Very selfish indeed. And maybe it seems justifiable, I've got a lot going on etc. But once you start allowing excuses, there's no going back. So to anyone who I haven't given enough attention to recently, haven't been there for, or haven't listened to..I'm very sorry. I hope you can forgive me.

Change of pace...I am now employed. (mild sob of relief) My troubles aren't exactly solved yet, but at least there's a means now. My first day was Monday and it looks like I should be able to make this store work for me. Oh. I am now working at David's Bridal on Kirkwood highway....oh yes oh yes oh yes, I'm selling somewhat generic dresses to crazy ass women. :) haha and the clients are already scaring me (trashy brides, obese women in their underwear, and the dreaded waaay too much woman for waaaay too little dress...can someone help me find a nice way of saying 'your tits are too big and too droopy for a strapless'?) hahaha But I think once I settle in I'll be able to make pretty good money. I can be fairly persuasive when I need to be.
ALSO
on the job front, the Portrait Studio said that they'll have hours for me soon...so I think I"ll finally be ok money-wise. But friends it's been a very scary couple of months.

In other news....to further add to my filling plate...I've decided to go ahead and try to take a couple classes this term. Granted I'm going to have to go in for yet another loan, and I'll be starting late...but if I can find something easy, all I need is a B in two classes to give me the GPA boost I need to start full time.
And
Even that's an odd source of confliction. I've never wanted to go to UD. And frankly I still don't really see it as the best choice. It's just the best option available right now. Moving isn't an option anymore. And UD is the best school in the local area...it's also all I can afford.

Gaaa I hate money.

Talking to my brother Adam last night before his flight to CA (for his job training with the Marines) and I can hear the same naive expectations that I had when I first graduated and joined up... and it kinda kills me. Because there's really no way of warning him that what you want to happen, isn't how things actually happen. The only thing I could tell him was to not look too far ahead.
And I'm the biggest hypocrite of all on that front. I hate not having a plan. And I don't mean a vague overview of how things should generally play out over the next 2 or 3 years. I mean a somewhat detailed short term sketch. But i guess i don't get that. I feel like I'm flying blind, or with one eye closed, in the dark, and colorblind..just hope the windows aren't reflective.